Musical Ramblings

  Water into Wine by JannaMarion

'Tell me about her.'

'Well, I loved her.

all of her. 

I loved the ring she wore on her index finger,' he said. 'She never took it off.

I loved the way she'd affirm me by placing her hand on mine.

I loved the smell of her, the softness of her voice.' He looked outside.

The winter had come, and the green of outdoors was now white, and cold, and frozen. There was silence, and steam rose from his cup.

'I cared for her, for a very long time, and I know she loved me too. None of it was a waste.

I loved the songs she hummed. she hummed the same one every time she did the dishes. 

I loved her handwriting. Little things, I loved them all.' 

'What do you miss the most, if you don't mind?'

He thought for a moment,

'well, I miss her kindness.

The world is cruel, i'm sure you know it, and when she died.. it got worse.'

'That's sweet.' 

'I'm not sure about sweet, but it's true.'

'I want someone to feel that way about me.' She smiled painfully.

He didn't know what to say. It was silent again. They sipped their coffees in unison, and thought about love and the abstractness of it, and the mystery.

On behalf of "Music Monday"

An-itty-bitty-ditty.
  Heal Me by JannaMarion

Yet another week has flown by, and I had the same problem as last week -- not enough time !! Work has been so busy with huge weddings, funerals, etc, etc., and there's always something going on after work. I WILL get into the swing of things one of these weeks. I know it.

Keep the faith!

Music Monday!

Corinna Rose Loveliness!

So... Big fail last week with the weekly posts. But it's Monday today, and look! I'm posting music!! Enjoy this lovely lovely lady and her finger picking skills!

Words.

“The world breaks everyone, and afterward, some are strong at the broken places.” Hemingway

Thinking, Hoping, Praying that I could approach every minute, every moment with the spectacle of kindness. To look through its' lens all day every day, to speak with it, to think with it, to dream with it. Never too much of it, always too little. Not niceness, but kindness. And in all things to not expect it, but to keep giving it, hoping for nothing in return. And to marvel at the reciprocation of it when it happens.

Photo Friday

As the days pass, and they quickly do, I find myself more and more drawn to the art of simple living. Life of quietness and peace, having only what I need, and the simplicity of the things I enjoy. Carrying love in my heart, and hope in my veins, and breathing deeply, in and out, letting the air sink and expand in my lungs. Then releasing so that I can start over again, and it feels good to breathe deep.

It's a good thing, though painful, to realize my wrongs. To hear things said, to know things deep inside that must change, that are changing. But I'm not running, I'm not racing, I'm pacing myself through this web of hard lessons. I'm daily looking inward, and as I do, realizing how insignificant, how small, how weak, how frail, how lowly and how broken I am. And in seeing these things, I am coming to a place of understanding. What it is, I cannot summon in words, not yet. But I can feel it stirring, I can feel my heart of stone shaking up, my coldness turning warm. I see people. I see the rawness of life. I see the bubble I've been in. This dangerous and hypocritical hub I've placed myself in, untouchable. I'm reaching out, I'm seeing it  now. And I want the simple truth. The good, pure, honest truth. I want it planted so deep within me that I live it, real.

I want some rich soil, some fresh air, some laugh lines on my face. 

Purity, true. Not pretentiously mustered up or handmade by me. And I want to love from my heart, a swollen heart. Not from my head, where it's give and take and rules that don't fit. Rules for myself, rules for other people. Break free now.

Clarity, peace, quietness, love, grace. Oh, forgiveness. God-things shattering my cold, hard-for-too-long, bitter, bitter, heart. 

Simple.

One step.

So, I'd really like to start being more diligent with blogging (hopefully)… how many times have I said that?! Far too many, for sure. But it's a new day to try again. I'd like to begin Music Mondays, Wednesday Words, and Photo Fridays, at the very least. Today is Wednesday, therefore, I should probably have some words to say… 

Well let me start with a big *SIGH*. The past little while of life has been the toughest and most confusing for me yet. I've come face to face with the somewhat brutal reality that everything I say, as far as what I believe goes, is pretty darn shallow, and I need to do some re-evaluating. I'm so quick to judge, so quick to assume, so quick to point fingers at others when they struggle, lose hope, slip into a direction that doesn't look so good.

I've been a mess. A complete mess, inside, outside, all around. My mind has been so foggy. I'm being honest here, with an internet audience, which is so strange. But I have been so angry, so bitter inside, so weak. Everything means nothing to me, and I so badly crave the joy that could be mine, and I know it could be. So instead of staring at any one of the interior walls of my apartment, I got outside. I didn't run. I haven't for a while. I walked. With music in my ears, and the music was songs of praise, worship, something I haven't been able to bring myself to do for quite sometime now. Bitter taste in my mouth, I decided to sing. I sang, and walked, and I didn't care who heard. I reached the water, the path, I couldn't keep it in. I danced, and let go. I just let go, and I didn't care how silly I looked or how crazy. And I saw a heron. At the very moment I stopped dancing. A heron right in front of me. 

I wrote a post not too long ago about a heron, flying. and how I whispered to him, don't take it for granted, and how I wished I could fly. And how maybe that's what life is for. To be free and to fly.

I heard a voice inside me, that God-voice saying, I want you to fly.  And it seemed, at that moment, that I could leave things behind, those painful, heavy things. I could leave them there, where there were no cars or people or houses, or noises, just Earth-life and silence, and water, and a heron in front of me.

I walked back more full of spirit, more full of something. Something, instead of all this nothing that has been there for so long.

Here is a sort of wordless song-like thing I recorded today -- I think it's a musical version of my day in some way.

Bye for now! x

FOG

Source: andrewandcarissa.com 

Source: veanad.tumblr.com 

Source: 25.media.tumblr.com

21.

Sunday was my 21st birthday.

A new year:

To be okay with the smallness of me in the vastness of life.

To stop trying so hard to understand, and just accept the mysteries of God, the mysteries of life.

To be open, willing, ready.

To be present and awake.

To feel, to ache, to burden,

And yet relax, laugh, dance silly, take heart.

And for Peace.

A new year for

Barefeet, tea, ferns and flowers.

Big sweaters, jean cut offs.

Joy overwhelming.

Hammocks, dirt roads winding,

Roaming about.

Whimsy and free.