3.6.12

like a bed of rest

Last night, as you can see, I posted the 'Satisfied In You' video by The Sing Team from Mars Hill Church. I've been listening to it on repeat since then, and just thinking over the lyrics and making it a prayer from my own heart. I know it's the truth -- I will always be dissatisfied with everything in life -- my job, my situation, my clothes, my house, my spouse, my friends, and especially myself, my image, my body, my haircolour, my eyes, the way my jeans fit. Such petty things. And it's so easy to wonder, if I just change *this* or *that*, dye my hair brown, cut it, see new places, get a new job, a new apartment, be anyone else but myself, maybe then I'll be happy? If I just follow my dream career path, maybe then I'll feel fulfilled...? It's so easy to think in a way opposite to what is THE beneficial and truthful and soul-fulfilling way to think. When the world is fast, and everyone in it is simply looking to survive, to feel, to cope, to be 'happy', to eat, to drink, to breathe, just for today, when everything I do is .. for what? There is only One Place. We're all looking, searching and digging. We keep hoping, circling our fears, and living out of them. Really, we're all poor and powerless. What about trying? Tasting and seeing? That maybe, the Lord really is who He says He is. Not saying it, and living as if He isn't. Living as if He's a liar. That His promise to fill my empty cup, to be a shelter in the storm, to be a God of mercy, to be a God of salvation and of freedom, justice, truth... That's it's not true... The opposite of faith, I believe, is fear. And fear says that my God is NOT who He says He is. That He will NOT keep His promises -- And saying that is really declaring that He is a liar. Saying that God is a liar is taking His Word, His very breath, The Bible, and throwing it ,in it's entirety, in the trash. All of it. That sounds like near Atheism to me... A·the·ism  - noun - the doctrine or belief that there is no God. I shiver. I am tired of being fearful. And I repent of that sin-stress that sticks to my gut and my ribs and won't leave me alone. I let go of it. And, come what may, The LORD is my shepherd, and I want for nothing. He has the wheel. I give up. I give in. He is the One Place. The Source of all things good. All things worth anything. He is the only place I am satisfied. The only way my thirst is quenched. I am satisifed in Him. ( I just wanted to post the lyrics to that song, because they are true, and they are beautiful.) SATISFIED IN YOU I have lost my appetite And a flood is welling up behind my eyes So I eat the tears I cry And if that were not enough They know just the words to cut and tear and prod When they ask me “Whereʼs your God?” Why are you downcast, oh my soul? Why so disturbed within me? I can remember when you showed your face to me As a deer pants for water, so my soul thirsts for you And when I survey Your splendor, You so faithfully renew Like a bed of rest for my fainting flesh When Iʼm looking at the ground Itʼs an inbred feedback loop that drags me down So itʼs time to lift my brow And remember better days When I loved to worship you and learn your ways Singing sweetest songs of praise Let my sighs give way to songs that sing about your faithfulness Let my pain reveal your glory as my only real rest Let my losses show me all I truly have is you So when Iʼm drowning out at sea And all your breakers and your waves crash down on me Iʼll recall your safety scheme Youʼre the one who made the waves And your Son went out to suffer in my place And to show me that Iʼm safe Why am I down? Why so disturbed? I am satisfied in you creditsfrom Oh! Great Is Our God!, track released 03 April 2012 Written by Brian Eichelberger / E on the Eye Chart (BMI) x

1.6.12

photo friday


Raining, raining still.
I can hardly see through.
Inside and outside,
It rains.
In my head, and on the streets,
The grass, the treetops, the riverbed;

-

Well, I have been sick as a dog, with a mysterious illness, for which I now have antibiotics and I am beginning to slowly but surely get better.  I haven't been sick for a while, and having so much to do at the moment it wasn't the greatest timing. But I'm so glad to be getting back on my feet. Tomorrow I hope to accomplish most of the things on my dusty to-do list. I am hoping that getting some things done will help to clear my head. I recently quit my job. Don't ask. It was a job that I only planned to do for 3 months. I felt guilty for quitting, so I never did, and tried my best to love it. But after nearly 7 months, I impulsively decided to end it. If you know me well, you know where I worked, and I'm certain you can understand why it was a struggle. There were windows of good times, and moments I didn't mind so much, but those moments were fleeting, and I really didn't enjoy it much. This seems an odd time to quit my job, with a wedding to plan, and huge expenses coming my way, moving to New Zealand and all, but that's me. Impulsive. I thought I was getting better, being more responsible. Putting my petty preferences behind me, so that I could simply do what needed to be done - make money and save money. But, I did it. I quit. Shame on me, I suppose, but there was something so freeing about it, I was even giddy. Now to figure out what to do next. That's the tough part. The part that gets me kicking myself over quitting -- realizing that even when I think I'm less and less naive, I'm not. I'm still quite naive. I want to be and do a great many things. I want to be an artist, a writer, a designer, a freelancer, but I cannot be that right now, and I fool myself every time. Sigh. One day I will learn. One day I'll really get it. But for now, I'm again jobless, and on the wild hunt for work. There's so much bouncing around in my head. Wishing I had all the freedom in the world to create and create and create. But, of course, there's things to be done! Needs to be met! I must be responsible! First things first, however, I need to get well. Get my body functioning normally again, and then I'll know what to do next. Lord, help! 

Well! That's my rant for today! I hope you all have a happy weekend. 
x

Bell Choir Coast



discovered via For Me, For You