Breakfast in the morning, was dull. A little quiet sadness in her heart. She ate breakfast alone.
The day began quickly, she couldn't keep up. She heard the news, and she made phone calls and cried.
The big persian rug was her place today. She sprawled out, stayed motionless. There were people around, she tried to engage, but she stayed quiet, and solitary, and still. And more quiet.
The day passed, and then she went out. She was starting something new, and she didn't know what.
She would wait, and she would know.
She would know if she waited.

we were all together today,

for brunch and for silliness.

ripples and waves

      

a coffee in the morning

 today. xx

the twenty eighth of december

The red flower was dying. The girl and I, we didn't water it much -- not enough.
I opened the blinds wide today. It was a day like that -- it needed extra light. Jasmine scent, red lips, and weary eyes... I read the book that opened my heart. I missed my friend, too. I wanted to talk, face to face, but knew deeply I couldn't do that. So deeply I knew it.
I could've turned on all the lights in this old city today, and I could've pretended the sun was shining.
The clouds were so grey and so heavy, the sun just couldn't.
And there were too many lights to turn on.

xx

Time passes more quickly, now that I'm older.
Christmas is over, and for a moment just now, I'd forgotten it happened at all.

this afternoon

The plastic bag in the tree at the very top, the wind -- I thought someone walked behind me.
My cheeks and my chin so cold, windy ice. I liked it that way, so that the warm would feel warmer.
Art supplies, baking supplies. I found both places and went inside to look, and see prices. Inside the cafe, so glad and warm, happy and warm, I sat with hot chocolate and soy, Hemingway's brave imagination, and one of my favourite songs came on. Excuses.
A child would scream in a shrill pitch every five minutes or so. It would startle me each time, even though I expected it. The man in a hat changed the menu sign, and the song changed too -- electric.
I knew I needed to call that job place.
There were decisions coming, and I prayed and prayed and prayed I'd do it right and good for myself.

xx

the tree of life

this movie looks radiant,

i'm excited for it.

xx

yuletime

There's something sweet about a simple Christmas. Now it's Christmas Eve. It's quiet and the excitement of gifts and good food and great company has ended last night, an early celebration.

I've come to realize this night, that a combination of a few things make for a sweet, simple Christmas Eve. Irish cream, Hemingway, and the warm and golden glow of the lit fireplace.

I'm having quite a lovely evening, in this quiet simplicity.

Merry Christmas Eve.

a song for my soul.

I've posted this before, but I love it too much to only post once.

This is Psalm 91 from the Bible. It's my breath for today.

Psalms 91 from Eric Whedbee on Vimeo.

Garage Voice - Psalm 91

xx

Silent Night

In the dull light, we sat and lied around, allowing the night to simply be itself; no schedule or boundaries.. Just a night and the three of us. Three lonely strangers, because, really, how do we ever become more to each other than that?

There is always a hollow silence on a night like tonight--when the three of us are together but alone in our thoughts and our philosophies, entranced and enveloped in a song or a phrase or a word in itself.

We are alone, apart, together. Here tonight.

I know the night is not the same as the day: that all things are different, that the things of the night cannot be explained in the day, because they do not then exist, and the night can be a dreadful time for lonely people once their loneliness has started.

Ernest Hemingway, A Farewell To Arms.

sister winter

it's december.

and it feels like it.

i do things wrong a lot of the time.

i'm moving!!!yes, and in four days at that!
first time out and about on my own. it's terrifying, really, but i'm so ready and so excited. i'll be living with my bosom friend (ha) susie. we're moving to guelph, living in a small building just outside the center of the city. it's got two bedrooms and a bathroom, a biiiig livingroom, and a lovely sized kitchen, a balcony annnnnnd... that's about it! YAY!
i have no idea how to go about this moving business... with all this packing and organizing and thinking ahead.

anyone want to do it for me?

songs for christmas

winter polaroids

by ich mag milch

the sky today

So, it's been snowing for hours and hours. It doesn't seem to want to stop anytime soon. This morning my truck had 4 feet of snow on the top. My mom cleaned it off for me this morning, and there's another 4 feet of snow sitting on top again. I am pretty amazed.
Everything is white. I just want to go sledding, and then, have a tea party with friends in front of the fire while Tchaikovsky serenades us with his incomparibly sweet nutcracker songs.
That sounds about right.

landscapes

i felt so strong, and so content.
with my purple nailpolish and a good song playing, i danced around the house singing at the top of my lungs.
my heart on hold, i didn't think, i didn't feel. just danced.

and then the song ended. it was quiet, i was breathing heavy.

i stopped moving,
i looked down.

i stood there for what felt like maybe thirty minutes. i'm sure it was only a few.
and i felt so lost, so alone, so confused. i went to bed and slept for a long time.
and when i awoke, i didn't feel so strong nor did i feel content as i did before.

i wanted to lie there for eternity. unsure and insecure.

just stay there and be alone.






BUT instead i danced some more.

Fleet Foxes Meadowlarks

[bonjour, yann tiersen]

hippie castles

let's all take a trip tonight, the lot of us. we'll drive until we can't no more, we'll sleep in hippie castles in the desert. let's all find our way, with flashlights and sparklers and marco-polo kind of talk. let's dance around, with our feet in the sand, in the black of the night, so unsure of where we step. we'll laugh and cry and sing and speak. we'll fall asleep with our heads on the pillows of strangers and friends.
tonight, we'll take a trip... to the north and the south and the east and the west.
we'll go far away. we'll take only what our hearts can carry,
and nothing more.

ohhh sufjan, marry me already.

this song makes me want to slowdance in the kitchen with the man i love.

 we are lost, we are found.